Ohhhh selfishness

Guess what? I'm selfish. I complain a lot when things don't go my way (cough on the trip to San Antonio, Damaris). I let people walk all over me and then blame them, even though it was my fault. I resent people when they demand too much of me, but I'm the one who never had the guts to say "no" in the first place. I'm the one who sometimes looses sight of what it looks like to live for ONE instead of many people. How dare I blame those people when I'm the one who sometimes starts to live for their approval instead of my Creator who loves me more than words can express?

Today I wanted to get away from these people who expect too much of me, so I went to Panera and sat, sipping on my delicious hazlenut coffee, tossing the phone to the side so that noone could ask me to do this, demand me to do that, etc...

So, I opened up and started diving into the Word. I have read through the Gospels before, but Father showed me something today that I had never really noticed before, perhaps out of selfishness.

John is baptizing people and teaching the people around him, when in Mark 1:7, he says, " After me will come one more powerful than I, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie."

Think about it. Even though peoples' feet were SO stinkin dirty in those days, John says that he is not even worthy to untie Christ's sandals. And really, who is? Yet later on, you see Jesus washing the feet of his disciples, even ones who would go on to betray Him. How beautiful is that?

I haven't stopped thinking about this verse since then. Why should I be so selfish and complain about the messes I get my very own self into? Because isn't it all for His glory anyways? And how unworthy I am to even have the chance to serve Him in any capacity at all!

In spite of my wicked selfishness, my own pursuits, my attempts to do things on my own, He still pursues me. Out of everyone roaming around on planet Earth, He chooses to know ME inside and out, as well as give me a chance to know Him? What a beautiful Jesus we serve!

Let's go to Japan

Okay, I admit, over the last 36 hours or so, Damaris and I kept singing this over and over. What is going on in my life is surreal for me. God placed a vision on my heart, a dream in my mind, and I see it unfolding.

After I went to Germany in 06, I was certain I was going back. But, God took me to Japan for 2 weeks. This was when the Dallas Diehards was still a relatively new thing, being that Damaris and I were still getting our feet wet on the Dallas music scene. When I went to Tokyo, I saw that Christian music, mainly Rock and rap/hip hop, actually had a little bit of a presence. Nevertheless, less than 0.5% of Japan knows Christ.

I fell in love with the work being done there and returned to America, more eager to Diehard than ever. I started my freshman year at DBU and tried to keep the Diehards going. It was pretty rocky, but I still managed with the help of others, to make it to many shows. I was a different person after being to Tokyo, because I had this goal of seeing just 1 band go to Japan. Every band I would talk about Japan with would say that it was cool and they would pray for Japan, but that was it. God still had this passion in my heart but I knew that it would happen in His timing.

This past summer I returned as an intern, determined more than ever to see music play a part of telling the Japanese about Christ. This past summer, I'd walk into music stores and find teenage girls buying Krystal Meyers CDs. I bought Toby's Alive and Transported in Shibuya, my neighborhood. I sang Beautiful Love by the Afters with Japanese people who like MTV.Manafest had his picture all over the place...which started to almost annoy me a bit. Just kidding. Anyways, music opened up so many doors to tell people about the most amazing Love story ever told.

Now, there is a band that I have grown to love as family in Christ. All of them have some of the most beautiful hearts I've ever seen. There is a chance of them going to Japan. No guarantees, and I know that God will do what He wants to, WHEN he wants to. But just the thought that this is a possibility blows me away. I journaled this past summer that I was surrendering myself to be where God wants me to be in order to bring a band to Japan. I remember telling God that this was a crazy thing to think that it could ever happen at all, but He has commanded me to stay obedient.

My prayer is that He will provide the way for this beautiful band to go to Japan, because I know they are willing to go if God leads them there.

I stand amazed over the way that He is orchestrating things. The way that He is showing me that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. How wonderful this King is.

Psalm 105:1-4

Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name.
Make known among the nations what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to Him.
tell of all His wonderful acts.
Glory in His Holy name.
Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Look to the Lord and his strength;
seek His face always.


I am so grateful for what He is doing in my life.
I want them to see His grace and mercy.
My prayer is that His light shines through my actions.
I want to tell them about the wonderful things He has done, and is doing.
It's all for His glory.
I desire for their beautiful hearts to cling to His name, above any other name.
I will look to the Lord when I feel tired, and I will daily trust in His strength for just one more day.

Merciful, beautiful Savior, you are so good.