Raining

I remember walking to our apartment one night in Tokyo after getting delicious beverages from Lawson's with 2 wonderful friends, sisters, confidants, amazing people. I felt a little jealously as these two girls were expressing their excitement for the upcoming semester and how they'd be at the same college and just blurted out something like, "I wish I knew where I was going." As the summer was coming to an end, I almost went into panic mode because I knew that I would not be back at DBU and that I would be standing alone as I returned to Mesquite, yet everyone else had the excitement of returning to colleges, jobs, even high schools. And I had nothing.

However, in the warm night a precious friend who I had the privilege to get to know better before the summer just stopped me and blatantly told me, "Don't worry! You have no limits! Nothing is going to stop you! Just do what you know you're supposed to do and follow those dreams!"

Over the past semester I've taken those words to heart. Every step I've taken in my new college, my new job, etc, I realize that yes, God did set me apart to be different than how IIIII wanted my life to pan out so easily. It's been a stinkin' challenge these past few months and I've learned some CRAZY difficult lessons.

However, I'm still blessed beyond measure. I see that. And I've caught myself slipping into complacency at times. But I can't have that. Because I have been given these dreams by ONE. The ONE I choose to live for. As lame as this is going to sound to some people, i am NEVER going back to ok. And this semester has proven that. My heart's cry is to continue to FOLLOW, not because a person tells me to, but because my identity is in HIM.

WOW. k.Mass, you said it right. I have no limits on the possibilities and nothing's holding me back. But what's greater is that HE has no limits.

Watch out Mesquite. Texas. World.

Wow.

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121


He is on His throne, even among the hurt, the pain, the sorrow, the tears, and the guilt to those left behind. Praise God because He is in control of everything. My beautiful Savior reigns.

Rambling

I learn to accept things, even try to embrace them. And it comes back to bite me. People are ridiculous. And tick me off. Ill spare the details. But sometimes the life of a PK sucks. A lot.

Ruth Graham is my new hero.

Trying to "live up to people's expectations, and you become inauthentic and you pretend you have it all together, but inside you're dying"

Read my last post and this kinda goes with it.

She rocks.


And now I'm going to go listen to my song of the week: Favorite Disease by Thousand Foot Krutch. Isn't it funny how they're music relates to me? See earlier post this year about why I'm a diehard.

Wanting, watching, debating, on which way to run to, haunted, voices, craving, someone to run
to, i haven't lost myself in a long time, i never tried to care when i wanted to, i just want
to be part of something, i just want to be real like you

[Chorus]
Sometimes, i feel like a monster, and times, ifeel like a saint, i'm on my knees, you're my
favorite disease

Silent, warnings, tell me, that i've let things come, undone, show me, teach me, the way to
heaven, cause no other way can, i havent lost myself in a long time, i never tried to care when
i wanted to, i just wanted to to be part of something, i just wanted to be real like you

[Chorus]

Closer, closer, closer to you, i need to be closer, i have closure, and get closer to you,
every step i take...

[Chorus]

And i love the way you kill me, love the way you heal me, i love the way you kill me, love the
way you heal me, i love the way you kill me, love the way you heal me

Ohhhh selfishness

Guess what? I'm selfish. I complain a lot when things don't go my way (cough on the trip to San Antonio, Damaris). I let people walk all over me and then blame them, even though it was my fault. I resent people when they demand too much of me, but I'm the one who never had the guts to say "no" in the first place. I'm the one who sometimes looses sight of what it looks like to live for ONE instead of many people. How dare I blame those people when I'm the one who sometimes starts to live for their approval instead of my Creator who loves me more than words can express?

Today I wanted to get away from these people who expect too much of me, so I went to Panera and sat, sipping on my delicious hazlenut coffee, tossing the phone to the side so that noone could ask me to do this, demand me to do that, etc...

So, I opened up and started diving into the Word. I have read through the Gospels before, but Father showed me something today that I had never really noticed before, perhaps out of selfishness.

John is baptizing people and teaching the people around him, when in Mark 1:7, he says, " After me will come one more powerful than I, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie."

Think about it. Even though peoples' feet were SO stinkin dirty in those days, John says that he is not even worthy to untie Christ's sandals. And really, who is? Yet later on, you see Jesus washing the feet of his disciples, even ones who would go on to betray Him. How beautiful is that?

I haven't stopped thinking about this verse since then. Why should I be so selfish and complain about the messes I get my very own self into? Because isn't it all for His glory anyways? And how unworthy I am to even have the chance to serve Him in any capacity at all!

In spite of my wicked selfishness, my own pursuits, my attempts to do things on my own, He still pursues me. Out of everyone roaming around on planet Earth, He chooses to know ME inside and out, as well as give me a chance to know Him? What a beautiful Jesus we serve!

Let's go to Japan

Okay, I admit, over the last 36 hours or so, Damaris and I kept singing this over and over. What is going on in my life is surreal for me. God placed a vision on my heart, a dream in my mind, and I see it unfolding.

After I went to Germany in 06, I was certain I was going back. But, God took me to Japan for 2 weeks. This was when the Dallas Diehards was still a relatively new thing, being that Damaris and I were still getting our feet wet on the Dallas music scene. When I went to Tokyo, I saw that Christian music, mainly Rock and rap/hip hop, actually had a little bit of a presence. Nevertheless, less than 0.5% of Japan knows Christ.

I fell in love with the work being done there and returned to America, more eager to Diehard than ever. I started my freshman year at DBU and tried to keep the Diehards going. It was pretty rocky, but I still managed with the help of others, to make it to many shows. I was a different person after being to Tokyo, because I had this goal of seeing just 1 band go to Japan. Every band I would talk about Japan with would say that it was cool and they would pray for Japan, but that was it. God still had this passion in my heart but I knew that it would happen in His timing.

This past summer I returned as an intern, determined more than ever to see music play a part of telling the Japanese about Christ. This past summer, I'd walk into music stores and find teenage girls buying Krystal Meyers CDs. I bought Toby's Alive and Transported in Shibuya, my neighborhood. I sang Beautiful Love by the Afters with Japanese people who like MTV.Manafest had his picture all over the place...which started to almost annoy me a bit. Just kidding. Anyways, music opened up so many doors to tell people about the most amazing Love story ever told.

Now, there is a band that I have grown to love as family in Christ. All of them have some of the most beautiful hearts I've ever seen. There is a chance of them going to Japan. No guarantees, and I know that God will do what He wants to, WHEN he wants to. But just the thought that this is a possibility blows me away. I journaled this past summer that I was surrendering myself to be where God wants me to be in order to bring a band to Japan. I remember telling God that this was a crazy thing to think that it could ever happen at all, but He has commanded me to stay obedient.

My prayer is that He will provide the way for this beautiful band to go to Japan, because I know they are willing to go if God leads them there.

I stand amazed over the way that He is orchestrating things. The way that He is showing me that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. How wonderful this King is.

Psalm 105:1-4

Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name.
Make known among the nations what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to Him.
tell of all His wonderful acts.
Glory in His Holy name.
Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Look to the Lord and his strength;
seek His face always.


I am so grateful for what He is doing in my life.
I want them to see His grace and mercy.
My prayer is that His light shines through my actions.
I want to tell them about the wonderful things He has done, and is doing.
It's all for His glory.
I desire for their beautiful hearts to cling to His name, above any other name.
I will look to the Lord when I feel tired, and I will daily trust in His strength for just one more day.

Merciful, beautiful Savior, you are so good.

Jesus is Better

Here's a Japan story. I do remember blogging about staying at Yokota Airforce Base in Japan while our m's were out of the country this past summer. At this point, I had been in Japan just a little over a month and had just about gotten used to that way of life. I had already nearly forgot little things about being American. While on the base, we got to go to the commisary, which had a grocery store, an AMERICAN grocery store. As we walked up and down the WIDE aisles, with what seemed like thousands of choices, we were simply amazed. Not only did we have TONS of choices, we could actually READ the labels. And to top it off, everyhting was so much cheaper than what we were used to finding in our busy neighborhood of Shibuya. As we kept squealing like little kids, finally one of my friends just said, "Jesus is better, Jesus is better, Jesus is better..." and we started laughing. It was pretty funny that he was convincing himself that Jesus was better than those biscuits, but we ALL started saying that, semijokingly.

A few months later, those words still echo in my ear. You see, there are some cool things happening in my life, all due to the grace of Christ. The world, however, tells me that I should be looking for a husband. In fact, I want a husband. It's no lie and there's no shame in me admitting that. I would love to get married one day (hopefully before I'm old), however, I know that this guy better see me as a daughter of a King, as a servant of the King. Therefore, why waste my time on someone who I don't see myself serving with?

It's a topic that is brought up all the time with many of my friends and I. And we all have what we're looking for in a guy. I'm learning to keep my heart extremely guarded. I could not be happier doing what I'm doing right now, and I know if I settled at this very second, I would be miserable. My life is consumed with serving my beautiful Creator, and I don't want it any other way.

Does this mean that I have this whole thing figured out? No Way! But I'm learning to live by faith, and not by sight.

When I see myself being distracted by guys, or by any other thing for that matter, I think back to being a silly person on that airforce base and remind myself, Jesus is better. Serving Him is better. It's like the Circleslide song says, my reward is to hear Him one day tell me that I did well here on this Earth. Jesus is better.

How about a picture or three?





Picture Descriptions:

1) With the amazing Audrey who was my missionary mentor for the summer. I miss her and love her soooo much. We were in the mountains for our retreat, and it was beautiful!
2) This is how we celebrated the 4th of July in Japan. :) Leon is an incredible friend who is a leader on his campus in Tokyo, Audrey(again), and of course the beautiful Amanda B. We had such a fun night that night. :)
3) This is Bethany and I. We were in Fussa here, which is where the airforce base was. She is wonderful. How I miss her.

Hello there world

Okay, so I admit. I was horrible at blogging over the summer. It got complicated, kept loosing passwords, blah blah blah so I didn't do many real updates. However, the summer was absolutely incredible and I journaled SO much about it on paper, so maybe one day we'll catch up on here about my Tokyo adventures.

There have been many times lately that I have felt the urge just to blog, but I've been a little lazy. SO, I'm going to try to get better at this.

I was just reading my original "blog" aka XANGA for the first time in SO long. It's crazy to see how different I am. And its hard to believe that I started that thing almost 5 years ago. I was reading about my mom's struggle with cancer and how I blogged about it on there. I praise God that my mom has been in remission for a few years now and that we just celebrated her birthday. Yes, I'm very grateful for her in my life.

I also see how much I've grown, especially after going to Germany in 2006. My worldview changed drastically. I also noticed that I blogged about how I had no idea what I was doing with my life. And when you're a junior in high school, that's scary because everyone's getting ready for college so it's the thing to do.

I jumped on the bandwagon and wound up at DBU for a year. I figured the answers would lie there. However, a year later I find myself sitting in class at Richland Community College. And I couldn't be happier. I have learned that pursuing my heavenly Father is so much greater than doing what I think is the norm for me to be doing.

God keeps teaching me so much in my whirlwind of life. I'll blog about that someday, maybe.

It seems like this season of my life is full of dreams coming true. It's strange to me, however, that many of these dreams all developed over the last 2 years. From having my own American dreams shattered with brokeness for the nations, to chasing obedience above anything despite what people tell me is the "right and sensible" thing to do. I'm learning how beautiful my Savior is every day.

This blog is completely random, I know, but it is a start. A start into consistent blogging because I want the world to see how beautiful my Jesus is.

How about a random picture or two?




Picture 1-I think I posted a picture of this precious kid before, but this is a new pic I discovered that my friend Bethany took. What a wonderful day that was, back in May. :)

Picture 2) My friend Manami and I went to the Ueno zoo(where the famous panda ling ling lived before she died)-we bought stuffed animals and named them Ginza and Hibby. Mine is a snow leopard and she gets her name from the Ginza line on the Tokyo subway system-its the line I always took to meet Manami. Hers is the orangutan and his name is short for the Hibiya line, which she always took to meet me. I love her. Every Saturday was my off day, soooo we always went on fun adventures. :)

Okay later my loves.

Yokota

So, I'm writing this from the air force base here in Yokota. See, when M's go out of the country, we don't get to stay in our apartment. Therefore, we got host families. I stayed with a very nice Japanese lady for 5 days. The most interesting thing was that I had fish/seaweed for breakfast :) I am very grateful for the fact that I was taken out of my comfort zone for a few days and placed smack dab in the middle of Japanese culture. Now, I'm staying with an amazing young couple on the Yokota air force base right outside of Tokyo. Definitely already had reverse culture shock here from their grocery store and taco bell! haha

Anyways,

Father is still doing great things here. As of yesterday, we have another new sister. C-san is such a wonderful and sweet natured person and I think she'll have a huge impact. Father is definitely moving in her life. A week and a half ago, I was asked to attend a Bible Study with my m mentor and a friend of hers. We ended up having my teammate and her friend that she had met come along as well. I was sitting there pr-ing my guts out for both of these people. Then I heard H-san say that He was now our brother. Then I looked up and R-san had teary eyes saying that she believed. That same day, J-san became our brother. 3 people in one day. And many divine appointments that day as well. Just a glimpse of the glorious things Father is doing here.

I know this is a small update, but I'm going to get better, I think, and post more soon. Love you all.

Mountains Being Moved

The picture with a few of us on the roof is our Campus BIble Study.
The picture with a group of us at night is with some friends we went and sang karaoke with.
The picture of me in the midst of billions of people is actually my neighborhood, which has the busiest intersection in the whole world.
Finally, the picture with me and 2 girls is with Mai and Manami. 2 of the greatest friends I could want :)






Wow. So yes, I know I have been promising a new blog for a few days now, so I'm sorry it's taken a while.

First up, I'm sure whoever is reading this heard about the stabbing incident. If not, here ya go: http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/06/09/japan.attack.ap/index.html
This tragedy definitely shows the sense of urgency here in Japan. The killer just said that he was sick of life. Unfortunately, that mindset is not uncommon here, but crimes like these are very rare. Akihabara is an area of town that we all travel to in and out, especially when we need electronics. I wanted to spend some time with the Lord on the train, so I went there by myself about a week ago. I was so caught up in trying to find my new charger that I did not even think about using it as a ministry site since it wasn't my job that day. However, I'm reminded because of this that I do need to be alert at all times, seeking out those to talk to instead of waiting for them to talk to me when I'm not on the "schedule."

Anyways, prior to this event, mountains have been moving. I started my focus ministry: Asia U. God has flooded us with divine appointments there. The CBU team that is a group of singers is here and on Friday they were able to have such an impact. It was so encouraging and we were overwhelemd with the open hearts the students had. Also, we have started a Bible study on campus and so far there is a good response. Additionally, it has been a dream come true in the fact that I have been using music here as a way to reach people. They like a lot of the bands I listen to, so it's definitely opened doors. Oh, being a diehard internationally has only sparked my passion for what I do. For what God does through the Diehards.

Thursday I ended up at S University because of the rain. I met a girl there who wanted to know more about the Lord and has been probably the most open person that I have met. Her family is Buddhist, so she is. But she knew nothing. She's amazed tha tmy faith is based on my choosing, not my family's. She wants to meet up again so bad, which is great.

I went out with some new friends Friday and had a great time. One of my friends seems to be more open to hearing and such because of the Akihabara incident. Pray that this will be a time that we can really share because of the tragedy.

FINALLY, HUGE news. Last week it rained and we were not able to take our teams to the park like we were supposed to. So, we went to malls. ONe of our teams met a girl there and 2 of my teammates have been trying to meet with her since. Schedules kept getting messed up and it didn't seem like they would meet soon.Last night, a few of us were at Wendy's talking about how undeserving we are to be here when my roommate Anna walked in. She was so excited, saying, Bethany let's go, T wants to meet and she's in Shibuya now! (Shibuya=neighborhood). Last night they were stil not back to our apt. so I began to pray more. Then I heard many squeals from the hall way. T-san is now our new sister.

GOd is changing this land. And how amazing that I'm seeing a glimpse of His glory shinging here and Him showing off.

I love you all.

New Sister!

Hey everyone! Thanks so much for your prayers.

So, today we went to Yoyogi Park and it was amazing. For the second day in a row, I got to hang out with 2 of my best friends ever: Mai and Manami. More on them later. And then today we were at the park together and we were singing worship songs in the midst of all this different noise. Next to where we were, one of my teammates saw a lady sitting and handed her a skittle. Some of my teammates ended up talking to her and she ended up going to dinner with us. We got split up and it ended up eventually being my teammate Stephanie and her alone, and M wanted to know more about the Bible. So they went out. I had no idea that they were studying the Bible til a few hours later, so Amanda and I started to pray for them. About an hour after that, Stephanie walks in and said: "She became a Christian!" SO, we have a new sister here in Tokyo who is eager to share with her friends. And she's getting baptized in a river here. Praise Father for His power to save! How amazing that He is changing this land! The light IS coming!

About M&M, they are the two girls I met last summer. They truly have become some of the greatest friends I could ask for and it has been amazing to spend the weekend with them. I am so grateful that Father has allowed us to get only closer after I went back to the states last summer. These girls may just become my sisters one day as well...:) :) :)

Anyways, I'm going to go rest, but praise to the God of this City.

Love you all!

The Light is Coming

So, I have been here for a few days now and this place definitely is in need of prayer. I am grateful for that fact that Father was here before I got here and that he will be here after we leave. We have made some good contacts and I have been able to share the message of hope several times.

The picture of the street with the hotel really grabbed my heart. It is an area full of love hotels, which is where many people go to in order to have quick one night stands and such. Many girls here put their worth in love from strangers and often end up in these places. Pr that they will put their hope in Father and realize they are worth so much more. It's considered a part of their culture, so please pr that that aspect will be removed. My heart really broke for them, so pr that Father will use that passion to reach them in special ways.

A few quick stories:

Sunday, I pr'd specifically that I would get to do some "dieharding" and use music as a form of ministry. Later that day we were doing 5 Minute English and I was able to talk about music with people. It was awesome. Also, I met some girls in a band who like to read love stories. They want to hear about my favorite love story, so we're going to get together and hopefully get in the Word.

This morning we went to the temples here and the spiritual oppression could definitely be flet. The enemy has a stronghold in this area. The other day a volunteer team left to go back to the USA 2 days early as a result of the spiritual warfare being too much. We have several teams staying there this summer, so please pr that they will have endurance.

After we went to the temples, we did 5 minute English and were asked to stop by the police. We did. But God's work did not. People were coming at us from every direction and we were able to share Truth with so many people. It was amazing to see how he sent more people to us and they kept striking up conversations with us.

Please pr for the people here and the darkness that is so strong here. I thank Father that I do not have to clap to wake him up and toss coins to make him hear me. He is truly a rock and the light of my salvation.

Thanks for everything.

Finally made it!

Hey everyone! Finally made it to Japan. This will be a quick update, but just wanted to let you know that we did finally make it safely. Things are going well so far and I love my team. We have a great bond and get along so well. Definitely a huge blessing. We have been able to meet some people who we will hopefully meet again and I'm going to meet up with some of my friends from last summer soon.

Stranded! :)

SO, there was this one time that I went to base camp for training and team building and entered the wonderful world of iGosia. It was a refreshing time full of learning and soakin in the Truth when we departed iGosia and headed for another land called DFW.

Mr. Shuttle Driver was to take us from iGosia and to DFW but he sadly got confused. SO here we are still in Dallas because we missed our flight this morning. We also had a flight mix up so either way there was a reason we were not on that flight.

Therefore, we are chillin in a nice place called the Quality Inn and Suites and are flying out tomorrow at 7:50 AM. Sugoi.

I'll update whoever possibly reads this when we land in good ole Tokyo. Love you all. :)

Not related to Japan

But I'm putting this here for storage purposes if you will :)

I remember when my mom had cancer and I heard the Thousand Foot Krutch song: This is a Call. The first verse talks about a girl crying herself to sleep while her mom had cancer, yet she fools everyone into thinking that she is so strong. The song put into words exactly what I was feeling in my heart. Because of randomly stumbling on this song, I was opened up to a world of Christian rock music that I did not yet know existed. Through finding ways to worship through rock music, I was able to slowly recover from years of hurt and bitterness through drawing closer to the Lord. It's not music that changed my life, it's the Father who allowed music to play such an important role in my life as a form of medicine. My personal goal as a Diehard is first and foremost to bring glory to Christ. I want to do everything I can to reach out to others and let them know that there is hope and that even when things fall apart, God is there to put the pieces back together. By serving musicians, it is a blessing to be able to encourage them in any possible way as they press forward to make their message known. I am not talented or extraordinary in anyway, just a gracious daughter of the King who wants to share His love with anyone I can.

2 weeks!

2 weeks until I leave.


2 Weeks!

Clinging to Him alone

I don’t wanna be stuck in this misery
I’ve tried my best to make it on my own
But I’m in way too deep so deep that I can’t sleep
As I wait for the sun to break the dawn
And I’ve given up on myself
Given in to someone else

Chorus: So wash away the madness
\‘Cause You don’t care what’s happened
You don’t even think about the things that I’ve done wrong
So give me a new start \
Create in me a new heart
Fold me in to Your sweet embrace
Give me amazing grace

Now I wanna to see and tell about the mystery
Of how someone can love a wretch like me
You can make a blind man see and You can change their destiny
Of everyone that comes to You and believes

You’ve got to give up on ourselves And give in to someone else

BY JACKSON WATERS-check 'em out.

This song is my anthem right now. I'm not relying on myself...but on Him alone. I want to tell of HIs goodness and how He has restored me before and continues to do so! His love is amazing.

Driving back on a Sunday night

I was driving back from Mesquite to school tonight and was playing God of This City, by Chris Tomlin. I love this song already, and after reading messages from the lovely K-Mass (can I call you that now?) today, I decided to take out my Afters CD and put it on. (shock, I know.) Anyways, right as the song started I was driving right towards the Dallas skyline. And I started to giggle. Isn't it amazing the way the Father has placed people where He wants them, right at perfect times? And I find it amazing that I'm able to serve Him here in Dallas, as well as in the foreign lands He calls me to "play" in. Despite the things that may be going on between and in the buildings of Dallas and the struggles the people of the metroplex endure, how comforting it is to know that He IS the hope of this city and the HOPE of this nation.

AND I find comfort in the fact that no matter how great things are going, there's still greater things to be done in Japan. The darkness there is immense and I know I'm heading into a battlefield in exactly 2 months. However, I can't stop smiling when I think of the way that just in the past year we've had so many e-mails of people placing faith in Father. His sovereignty and His purpose surpasses all of our human expectations and ability. And how grateful I am for that...

Psalm 126